I get a lot of feedback from girls about things guys do that they don’t like. It’s usually something awkward, needy, or weird, or some sort of combination. A common complaint is touching. Either guys don’t do it or they skip a lot of steps that make the touch a big deal and something way too noticeable. The best way to touch a girl is same way you’d boil a frog—do it gradually so she doesn’t even notice. You do not want the move to feel forced or loud.

So how did I figure that out? From girls of course. When a girl likes you she will usually touch your arm, shoulder, or top of your hand when you say something funny or interesting. As time goes on, she will touch you more frequently and for slightly longer, up to a second—or so in length. It’s hard to realize what she’s doing unless you really pay attention, and that’s how it should be. The signals start small and then build. That slow pace is what makes the whole thing feel natural.

Your hands are playing with her breasts and she doesn’t know or care how it got to that point. The mistake is touching aggressively before you laid the groundwork. Toss the frog in boiling water and it will immediately jump out. Things flows naturally as you get to know each other, and that is the point. If you rush the process, you only make her wary. A smooth build is always better than a clumsy shove.

You can begin this natural progression by touching very soon when first meeting a girl. If you touch too late after you’ve had several opportunities, it will feel “weird” to her and I will hear about it. The touch has to feel like part of the moment, not some forced event. Do it with a light hand and let it build. If you wait too long, the chance is gone. Better to stay relaxed and make it flow.